In case you don’t have much time, let me start off before we get into my spewing of words that are usually too long-winded, to share a few sobriety resources that I get delivered to my inbox that I find comforting to see peppered throughout my mail covering all sorts of sobriety topics or personal perspectives of others on their sobriety journey.
Annie Grace’s Living the Naked Life – signup for weekly newsletter
SoberBuddy – has a mail signup form at top of page
Belle at Tired of Thinking About Drinking – link to signup for daily free email in top right corner of site
The Sober World – when you go to their page, a box will pop up asking if you want to sign up for news in your inbox
Hello Sunday Morning – scroll to bottom of page and there’s a box to enter email
Laura at Club Soda – link to sign up to weekly emails
Gayle at Sober Bliss – a link will pop up when you go to page asking if you want to sign up for a free guide to “beat wine o’clock” and emails
Okie dokie – that’s what I got for now. If you’ve gotta run, I understand, otherwise on to a little view inside my head!
At the close of my first week AF, I know I should be proud of myself and I am. I even turned down an offer yesterday to go have a beer with a friend, which I really had to beat that voice down telling me I deserved it after going so long without a drink (because you know a week is a VERY LONG TIME, AN ETERNITY, really, to go without a drink) who in their right mind would ever go that long, right? Besides it’d be nice to catch up, wouldn’t it, because you know you really can’t catch up with friends unless it’s with a drink in hand or revolving around alcohol, right? One wouldn’t hurt, would it?
I know the ugly truth though. I know I never stop at one. I know I don’t have control when it comes to drinking, as much as I’ve spent years trying to prove otherwise to myself. My first reaction was fear of even responding; how would I respond? I battled it over for a few moments and when I was sitting there debating in my head whether I was going to give in or not, I tried to remind myself how it would end up if I went.
I could think that I would innocently go have a nice time with a friend and enjoy a beverage or two, call it quits and go home. The reality is it, I’d start off by going to buy a pack of cigarettes to go with that beer or two (I also haven’t smoked in 8 days). Most likely even if my friend left, I’d stay and chat with other people until closing time and drink another 3 beers. At whatever time I were able to pull myself from the bar, I’d most certainly go grab a 6-pack or a bottle of wine to polish off at home. Once that switch gets turned on, it’s all over with – GAME OVER.
This book is in my Amazon cart right now. In all honesty, it’s been sitting in my cart in the save for later area for probably a year or so. It costs around $17. How many times have I blown through way more than that in one booze-fueled evening? Why do I keep allowing excuses to come in my head like, “Oh I don’t need to buy something extra like this right now, that’s frivolous, or I don’t have the money for that right now, or I’m not the kind of person who needs a book like this”, and keep putting it off. Yet, when I go out for a drink and the price is triple this, I don’t blink an eye. Funny how you can make every excuse in the world to treat yourself to something positive and good for yourself, but if it’s alcohol it gets a VIP pass to your wallet.
So I’m here on day 8, my second week, whew! Even after a really awful night of insomnia and anxiety, I at least woke up sans an awful hangover (That’s something to put down in the old gratitude journal!) and proud of making it another day. Really grateful that I did start this blog so I can try to get some of what I feel out, even though I also battled feelings of insecurity and dread over the fact I did make a blog. Once I started trying to set up some social media sites and connect them, I got really overwhelmed and almost thought about closing all of it down and canceling this blog, partly from the fear of other people actually starting to see what I’m writing (because who wants anyone to read their blog as if that’s what blogs are for, come on!) and what will they think? Will they think I’m being silly/stupid? Over-exaggerating? Will they judge me? Like who cares what I think or have to say?
I’m sure part of the overwhelm is being brand new to the blogging world and feeling a bit unsure of myself. Well, ALOT unsure of myself. I went and threw myself into thinking I had to have accounts on all these different social media sites and link them and figure out how to share on all those and I think that sent me over the edge a little. I decided I should spend a little more time posting on my blog, focusing on it primarily and learning the ropes a little more, explore the features it offers and read up on some how-to articles before I get into trying to expand that out to social media platforms. I decided to deactivate those for a little bit and try out a little slower pace. When I’m feeling more confident, I can take that plunge. For now, I’ll try to keep myself accountable to coming here often and sharing my sober mama journey, no matter how amateur I am. Surely, with time, if I stick with it, I’ll get more fine-tuned. Guess you got to start somewhere!
Another idea I have is to finally purchase a book that I’ve held off on forever that I think while I won’t know what it’s like until I get it and try it. Maybe it won’t turn out to be a resource that works for me, but the thing is I hardly know what does work for me and the the point is, start somewhere. Thake the plunge, try something new, try anything if you think it will help you stick to your sober mama journey! So, my goal is to plan on purchasing this today and hopefully report back later on down the road how it’s working out for me.
I hope you’re able to get out there and search around for some resources/tools that might help you stay the course on your sobriety journey, whether it be newsletters, workbooks or good old-fashioned reading self-help blogs/books of others journeys or even the science perspectives behind alcohol addiction.
Moving on and starting my second week, trying to keep my mantra in my head. I don’t know about tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, but today I will not drink! Who’s with me?